ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
