I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
After last night, I could never be a politician.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize