You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
