It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
