Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
