I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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