I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
