for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
