wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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