I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
