I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize
