defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
