There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
