Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I understand Curling. That high.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
