I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
3 2 1 whiskey
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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