Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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