dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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