xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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