i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
