Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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