I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Two words: blizzard sex
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
