dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
