when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
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