never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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