I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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