So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
