You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
