You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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