Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Can't talk, ducks in the car
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
