Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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