obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Why is your signature on my underwear?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
