I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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