I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My vagina is very pro this idea
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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