I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
