how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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