Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
