Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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