She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize