If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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