so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
