well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i dont even know how to be here
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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