I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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