She announced her abortion via fbk
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
