My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
