So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
