Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
