I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
