I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
organizing the empties. That sober.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize