Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I think I won the penis lottery.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
