Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
