at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
