So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
