i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
