I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
