You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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