Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
