just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
