Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
