I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
