my phone needs a breathalizer
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
