you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
