I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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