I'm drive I can fine osifer
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
