we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
