I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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