Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
