Only a mothe r could love this liver
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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