Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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