I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he thought i was a dude.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
