It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
