i just sent this text using only my big toe
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
