hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
