fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
