apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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