This girl is more easily done than said...
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
